My Aunt Linda was over the other day and was holding Ethan and said how much mom would have just LOVED him! We know that she would have loved all the kids (and of course does from afar) but there something a bit special about Ethan. I totally agreed! I'm not sure exactly what it is, but he would have just stolen her heart. He makes me think of her more then any of the others and so many times I look at him and think, god she would just kiss and hug the stuffing out of you! Maybe it's the red hair, who knows :-)
Mom's been on my mind a lot lately, never a bad thing but it can make for an emotional week! I just miss her terribly, not sure that will ever go away. I kind of hope it doesn't go away, it helps keep her close. I'm going through all this eye stuff with Ethan and I so desperately wish she was here to tell me how I was, and that he'll be okay and that I will too. If I can be half the mom she was then I know I'll be fine, but it just kills me to think that she's not here. So many years later and I still think I'm in denial about her being gone. But I've come so far. I can remember when she first passed and how hard it was just to breath. I screamed and cried and yelled at her for leaving. I cried myself to sleep every night for months. The pain that I felt was so deep and so real. It truly felt like I had a huge ball in my stomach trying to get out. I don't know how I functioned, I know the only reason I did was Jon. I would have had no other reason to get out of bed every morning if it hadn't been for him. I know that the loss of a mother is NOTHING like the loss of a child and my heart goes out to all those moms that have lost a child. My heart just aches for her, but I know she's greeting those kids and babies with open arms, a huge smile and a laugh I can still hear when I close my eyes. That gives my heart just a little more peace.
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